Tonight while reading through my Facebook feed I noticed a thread that was talking about family planning and how many kids you should have and what others opinions were. Well here are the answers...
#1 - I flaked back and fourth a lot about this one. So I decided not to do anything permanent. Then we decided we wanted another one and got pregnant. Now Abby is two and starting melt down mode and I am wondering what the heck I was thinking.
3 hours ago via mobile • Like • 1
#2 - Our second isn't even here yet and I feel the same way, but I've given myself permission to wait 2 to 3 years before I have to make any decisions:). Good luck!
3 hours ago • Like • 1
#3 - I have similar thought processes, but I really do not want to go through pregnancy or NICU days again. I think if I still feel like I want another in a couple of years, I will adopt a baby girl
3 hours ago via mobile • Like
#4 - Do you think I am gonna read this for one little second and leave you alone to think you might possibly be done. C'mon girl! I dare ya - just dare you to jump into this kid world a little deeper - no no no no regrets. No, but in all seriousness - you are gonna see as they grow together as best buddies that you can't help but imagine what another little one in the mix would be like. Go for it See, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them!
3 hours ago • Like • 1
There were several more comments but you are very smart and get the point! :)
I want to make this clear, this post isn't about hating on any of the women or mom's out there. I realize this conversation is completely normal for couples without reproductive issues and for good reason!
However it really impacted me knowing this will never be us. I will never live in that world and tonight all I can think about is this...
Our family will be limited to our financial situation - not just affording the child after it is born but knowing it may cost thousands of dollars to even reach conception
I may only ever be blessed with one baby and not even be able to consider giving my child a sibling
The above conversation will never make complete sense to me
It is hard to keep plugging along while others seemingly have everything you want. I keep wishing and praying that someday this will be a modified version of us. Until then my mind is "Officially Blown", I simply cannot get over the fact that getting pregnant is so easy for some. I read the comments over and over, plain and simple, I am jealous that they have a choice.
At this moment I would give anything for a choice.
I hardly blog anymore...awesome observation wouldn't you say?!
I really do enjoy blogging but chasing the infertile dream gets tiring after 5 years! To be honest I NEVER EVER imagined I would still be in almost the exact some spot as I was when I started this blog. Back then I read other people's infertility stories and they scared the hell out of me! I had no idea how those people endured and survived all the years of loss and disappointment.
Fast forward to 2013 and I have become the one I used to read about. The one who stories I shared with the Dude to justify that what we were going through isn't all that bad. I tried to support them the best way I knew how, holy hell I knew nothing about what they needed and they certainly did not need any of my baby dust! A painful reminder of how far we have actually come to get to this exact point.
I will catch you up to speed with our cycle in Las Vegas, “spoiler alert” - it was a bust!
I was on a long Lupron protocol. At our first appointment with Dr.Sher everything looked great, 12 follicles on each side, the doctor even commented saying “what are you trying to do, be the Easter bunny”! Over the next few days things seemed to be progressing, the only warning sign was my estradiol or estrogen was not rising. He didn't seem concerned about it so either were we.
The day before they decided to cancel our cycle he told us it didn't look good. He decided to up our dose of Gonal-F for one night to see if that kick started the process. Luck was not on our side and it didn't do a thing. Dr.Sher was clueless as to why I had so many follicles yet such low estradiol, he said he has rarely if ever seen a case like this. Of course I would have a cycle that would stump a doctor!
From there it was an ass shot of progesterone and waiting for good old AF to arrive. I was devastated and crushed. I thought for sure this would be it and more importantly I thought we would AT LEAST make it to our transfer.
I still don't have any answers as to why. Dr.Sher simply couldn't tell me the exact reason. We are heading back in August and I will be on an Antagonist protocol which is different from the long Lupron cycle I was on. If that doesn't work egg or embryo adoption may be in our future. However, both of those options will add even more cost to this already expensive journey. At this point I am just not going to go there because I am 100% sure that this is it and if it isn't you better keep me away from this...
(for a few days anyways!)
Even though everything went to the shitter, I have a fabulous husband who I refer to as the Dude! He is my rock and my everything! After our bad news he just sat with me, held me when I needed to cry and reminded me that we will keep trying. I still can hear him say “Becks this isn't over” - his reassurance was exactly what I needed! Here is a quote I have always found uplifting. It reassures me not to give up on my dreams...
Over the next few days life started to feel a bit more normal and we knew we had to keep, keeping on. Our future depended on us jumping over another hurdle. It definitely does not get any easier but at least this time we had a pretty sweet vacation spot to enjoy! From that point forward we did what any normal couple would do...
Went on a date to the Las Vegas 51s game!
Ate lots of “holiday food” or as some would call it junk food!
Get our tan on in the sweet Nevada sun! Which was a welcomed change from the snow and negative temperatures we left from!
Went to corny Vegas shows!
The last and the most important detail is that we returned still in love, still on the same team and still waiting for the day to hear the word mom and dad.
I am going to brush the dust off the laptop and start blogging again. I have no idea where anyone is and I can see from the brief updates on blogger that for a lot of you things have changed! Congrats to all of you who have had successful treatments, I am so happy for you, you made it through!
After our failed cycle in February we were crushed. We had such high hopes because statistically it should have worked. It took some time to accept that it didn’t work and then we started to talk about what’s next. We came to the conclusion that we would continue to see our same RE at the Regional Fertility Program. I didn’t necessarily want to go back but it felt like the best option since they knew our case and we shouldn’t hold up the white flag based on two cycles.
A few months went by and we waited for the call. The clinic has a TERRIBLE scheduling system.
At RFP they schedule you based on your cycle which is what all clinics do. However at RFP when you call in your period you wait for them to call you back to offer treatment. If they don’t have a spot open you just keep calling month after month hoping they will pick you. In my opinion it is such an unprofessional way to deal with clients/patients. They should be able to give you a date and time. NO ONEshould have to play IVF lotto when booking a date for treatment especially when you are spending thousands and thousands of dollars on treatment!
While I was waiting and subjecting myself to the monthly period calls I made a decision. I didn’t want to go back to RFP. It didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel respected, so why would I give my money to someone I didn’t trust. I told the dude I did not want to pursue treatment there. I trusted my gut and decided to listen to the warning signs. It was at this time we contacted Dr.Sher in Las Vegas.
The first time I talked to him on the phone I knew we had made the right decision. It was the first time in awhile where I felt we were heading in the right direction. Dr.Sher has been a big power player in the IVF community for years. He has pioneered many treatments to make IVF more successful than ever before.
He looked through our records and was quickly able to give us some information to go over. We would need several tests for him to be able to properly guide us in the right direction. $1500 dollars later, the blood work was off to be analyzed (the price for us was a little hard to swallow – in Canada blood work is free!)
Sure enough we have more issues to add to the infertility sundae (I have attached links to more in depth information about the following conditions)
The doctor told me I took all this news very well. In some ways it was upsetting but I am thankful to know and we can now pursue our options. At this point I am very happy that I listened to my gut instinct and did not return to RFP. The doctor at RFP told me I was young and everything went perfectly, if he had to do it again he wouldn’t change a thing!
Our options right now are the following...
Go ahead with IVF in Vegas. Our success rates will go down (25% fresh cycle) due to the DQ alpha component. Dr.Sher has methods to deal with the activated NK cells so that is great! Also they would only be able to put one embryo back at a time. If they put two in and one was “bad” it could affect the normal/healthy one.
The other option he gave us was to eliminate the host (Me) which would get rid of the NK cells as well as the DQ alpha match. This would mean we would have to look for a surrogate to carry our baby. How do you even begin to look for a surrogate?
We are taking the holidays to decide what we want to do and where to go from here, it is a big decision! What do you think? Know of someone who has had the same condition? What would you do?
I am blessed to have met such a wonderful doctor! Dr.Sher is both caring and incredibly smart, we are in good hands!
I have stopped anticipating when we will get to bring home a baby, I am just eager to try something new and maybe, just maybe it will be our turn soon!
My name is Beckie and I love to laugh and enjoy life. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last 4 years and have tried and purchased just about everything on the market! Dealing with PCOS and male factor infertility make this process even more fun! This blog was created to share and be supported on our journey to have a family of our own. It is sure to be a trip…wanna come along?!