~The Benefits of NOT Being a Mother~

I just poured myself an iced glass of Arnold Palmer and settled into a comfy spot to blog. Today is the big day, the day when most infertiles hide from there fertile counter parts. It is a day which brings a stinging reminder to all who have experienced infertility and loss.

This time last year I was angry, hurt and devastated. This year I still feel the same way but it just doesn't bother me as much, I feel mellower about the whole situation. This year I have decided to discontinue the phrase “this fucking sucks”, as this described my mantra about the last mother’s day.

This mother’s day I decided to switch things up on the blog. I wanted to write about some of the wonderful benefits of not having children. I am not saying that kids don’t completely change your life and swell your heart with pride. I am saying that having children shouldn’t define us as much as it does. It is easy to get swept into this mystical belief that being a parent will satisfy us completely, this notion is true for some but not for most.

Being a parent is tough (not that I know personally) – but when I see a lady who comes into the store with her three kids, hair in complete disarray, without a bra and looking like she hadn’t slept in a week it brings me back to reality about the whole parenting concept. It is life changing and those women wouldn’t change it for the world BUT it is challenging task!

I am standing smack dab in the middle of two types of people, the ones who DO NOT want children and the ones who DO. In this place I am able to see a little of both sides and from where I stand right now both have very great benefits and both have some pretty shitty downfalls!

Obviously this post isn’t about the benefits of being a parent cause that would send me right back to the “this fucking sucks” mantra. I want kids – I want to look like that women in the grocery store but since that is not an option right now I am taking this day to remember all the things that I have complete freedom to do.

Even though are hearts ache and we would never choose to be in this situation we are going to LIVE this day. Today we are going to enjoy every kid free moment, being childless sucks but remember, sometimes having children suck to.

My personal top ten list of what I enjoy about my life right now…without babies!

1. I am able to sleep in and usually get a full 8-10 hours of sleep and if I don’t it is my own damn fault.

2. I am able to spend our money very freely – have you ever seen my makeup collection?!

3. I am able to focus on my career, I can work late without worrying that I am neglecting my family.

4. We are able to take 2 vacations a year, relaxing on a beach!

5. Going out for dinner is not a production – it is just completely enjoyable.

6. I am able to spend time doing the hobbies we love after work without worrying about a children’s schedule.

7. I am able to do things at the drop of a hat, I have so much freedom.

8. My car is clean and I am the only one who will make it dirty. Kids have not decorated the windows with stickers.

9. Dora, Diego, The Wiggles, Doodlebops, Wonderpets…need I say more.

10. We are able to go on late night movie dates often.

What is one thing you think you will miss when you have children?!

The bottom line is when we have kids I would trade my life in a heartbeat, but for now I am going to remember that the grass is always greener and there are just as many benefits to not having children as there are having them.

For the people who don’t have kids…sleep in, eat a large breakfast, go do something FUN and focus on you. Focus on the fact that next year could be your year but enjoy today. We so often rush to the next phase of our lives without truly appreciating the one were in, even if it's not our chosen path.

Here is a video I found comfort in today, I will go about my day joyfully knowing for sure that I will not have to deal with this…



To all the mothers out there, especially my mom – Happy Mothers Day! Although I am not celebrating this day as a mother I can see the amount of hard work, effort and love it takes to be a parent – enjoy your day, for it only comes once a year.

Love to you…