~Happy~

Hey Bloggies, it has been 68 days since my last blog post and I am feeling better than ever. I needed the break from talking to everyone about infertility. It was already such a burden to feel the sadness and loss everyday and then to continue a discussion about it was even harder. I knew I was completely lost but didn’t know where to go and how to feel.

As of today I can honestly say I am happy, one thing that I have not said in years. I am happy with my marriage, my friends, my family, my home and work (most of the time). I feel like for the first time I can be happy and find Beckie again.

When I was young I lived a charmed life, everything always worked out for me and maybe this is why this process has been so hard to deal with. No matter how hard I pushed, pulled and spent I could not change the fact that we don’t have children. About 8 months ago I decided I had to win back my life because up until this point I had been wasting it. I received a referral from a friend for a counsellor named Carol – little did I know stepping into that room would be the best decision I have ever made.

Most of my life I have been anti-counsellor/psychologist, from a young age I’ve had too many bad experiences to expect this would be any different. The moment I stepped into that room awaited a caring soul who was more like a friend than a counsellor. She was able to cut through the crap and tell me like it was, she was sensitive enough to realize when to talk and when to listen.

It was in these sessions I was able to spill my soul, sometimes in anger and sometimes in tears. The one thing different about her sessions is I always left feeling hopeful and that I would make it through this. Every week got a little easier and with the mantra “taking one step at a time” I am here today, feeling great!

So where are we in the swing of all this fertility business you ask? The one thing I know for sure is I am NOT pregnant and that’s ok. We are going in for IVF probably in October, we have gotten the call from the fertility clinic and we are just waiting for some tests and we should be ready to go.

I got my fingers and toes crossed, who knows if it will work. In the meantime I am keeping a low profile on the outcome and hoping for the best!

I look forward to easing back into blogging providing a place where people can come and share their story and be encouraged by mine.

Taking one step at a time of course!

Love to you…